New Years Resolutions

Every year people around the globe sit down and think real hard about stuff they’re gonna do different in the coming year. Things like quitting bad habits, trying to lead a healthier life, etc, etc… Basically, stuff that will make them better and hopefully happier people. I am no different, I made resolutions too! 

Top Five New Years Resolutions for 2009:

1. Lose remainder of baby-weight (more-like-sit-at-home-and-eat-cookies-all-day-weight

2. Take more pictures and maybe get into photography school.

3. Write more.

4. Get my drivers liscence.

5. Be more fabulous!

However, here are my anti-resolutions! Things I refuse to do or stop doing in 2009. 

Top Five Things I’m NOT Gonna Do Differently:

1. Quit smoking.

It’s just not gonna happen, I’m not even going to get anyones hopes up by trying to explain why not. Just, no. 

2. Watching TV shows and movies online

If you read my blog, you’ll find that more than half my entries are about pop culture and the people in it, so again no. Pop culture is what I want to write about, so blah.

3.  Dress like a mom.

I refuse to ever wear high waisted jeans with a polo shirt and sport a Meg Ryan-esque bob. Nor will I ever drive a station wagon unless I live in one/it has skulls painted on it, or be the head of any sort of PTA function. 

I will however take Mia to get a tatoo, talk to her about sex, beat up the kids that bully her, help her write her english papers, and go to movies on school nights. 

4. Eat healthy.

I am trying to eat healthiER, but that means, like, crab sticks and baby carrots with ranch dip and still the occasional cookie. Instead I do intend to exercise more and be active, which is way more fun then denying myself cookies. 

5. Shop less, I've tried and tried and tried to cut down on my clothes shopping, but it's just to hard .

However, I do justify my shopping by the fact I never EVER buy anything expensive. I don't any designer wear, because I'm perfectly happy with what cheap retail will give me. Also, my kid doesn't lack any food, and her diapers are usually fairly fresh so it's not like I'm spending money I don't have.

Top Five Things I Wish Would Happen in 2009

1. Someone would give me a pair of Dior Extreme Gladiator Sandals.

2. Niels would come home from the army. 

3. Betsy Johnson would do a retail line for H&M.

4. Mia would sleep through a whole night.

5. I would lose 10 pounds and look like this: 

Just kidding! I DO want to look like, this though (minus the outfit):

When I Was Your Age...

...Girls on television  looked like Barbie.

Which, you know, wasn't exactly awesome, but hey. At least Barbie had a bunch of careers and great outfits and a pink convertible. Then those ugly Bratz Dolls came along and now the girls on TV look like them!

 I know I'm jumping on the Hollywood's-too-skinny bandwagon, but jeez! Eat a pie and grow into your head, girls! And remember the days before Bratz, when Barbie was always a vet, or a pediatrician, or an astronaut? Or even a mermaid?

Top 5 Girls I Wish I Could See More of On TV:

A Short Survival Guide

When you’re a mom, obviously you’re never alone. There is PLENTY of company in my near-8 month old baby, she is a presence in my life that few can compare to, but still. It gets lonely sometimes. Especially when you live in a small town where your social scene isn’t what most people would call huge. 

I am lucky enough to have a great boyfriend in my life too, which also remedies loneliness, but as much as I love kickin’ it with the fabulous Niels, I enjoy having a nice girly night every once in a while. 

Top Five Things to do with Girlfriends that Boyfriends and Babies aren’t down with:

1. Go out dancing.

2. Drink Bacardi Breezers.

3. Watch “Sex and the City” and laugh your butts off.

4. Go clothes shopping (I DO do this with baby Mia, but the stroller tends to get in the way…).

5. Dig on Prince.

So, what do you do when your two best friends in the world are on separate sides of the country? Or more specifically, the one you’ve been friends with since first grade and survived everything with is back packing in Australia, and the fabulous, feminist pile of awesomeness you met in high school who taught you plenty about yourself is back in the States while you’re stuck in rural Norway. 

Top Five Things to do When Best Friends Aren’t Around:

1. Watch excessive amounts of movies that remind you of them (Purple Rain, Clueless, Eckbos Beste).

2. Hang out with Fabulous Boyfriend.

3. Facebook-chat with them.

4. Buy/make cool presents for when you see them again.

5. Be excited for when they get back.

Anita, Reina and all my gals in Syracuse. I miss the crap outta you guys. 

Yet Another Top Five-List

My boyfriend, Niels, and I had a discussion a couple weeks ago about actors, and which ones were our all-time favorites. I beraded him because he was only listing male actors, no females. Niels argued that this was because he liked movies that were filled with predominantly men, good action- and war-movies such as Apocolypse Now or Gangs of New York, to be more prescise. He thought about women he admired for a long time, and finally admitted that he thought Nicole Kidman was good.

Niels then asked me about my favorites, and laughed when I listed mostly women, go figure. So, after much thought about the matter, I've now decided to list my (so far) Top Five Favorite Actors and Actresses.

1. Toni Colette

(Little Miss Sunshine, Shaft, Muriel's Wedding)

She's so cute, and is the kind of lady I wish was my Aunt.

2. Kathleen Turner

(Serial Mom, The Virgin Sucides, Beautiful)

Someone I'm really glad ISN'T in my family, because this lady is kind of terrifying, but still FABULOUS! Husky voice, that devilish smirk, and she has worked with John Waters. Cool lady.

3. Christina Ricci

(Prozac Nation, Opposite of Sex, Addams Family Values)

Prozac Nation made a huge impression on me, both the book and the film adaptation. Ricci as Elizabeth Wurtzel on X, dancing with Lou Reed while "Perfect Day" plays in the background is beautiful. In fact, Christina Ricci is just kinda all-around gorgeous. 

4. Marie Bonnevie

(The Polar Bear King, I am Dina, Jerusalem)

Norwegian. Intense. So talented, yet under the radar. Shame...

5. Susan Sarandon                                                                                                                            

(The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Thelma and Louise, James and the Giant Peach)

1. Steve Carell

(The Office, 40 Year Old Virgin, Little Miss Sunshine)

This man is so funny. Ever since his The Daily Show-days I have been in love with Steve. Watch The Office and tell me you disagree.

2. Bill Murray
(Ghostbusters, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, Groundhog Day)

Bill Murray is the dryest man in the world. He so dry, he make the Sahara look damp, ok? Bill Murray's a genious.

3.James Remar

(The Warriors, Dexter, Pineapple Express)

Probably the least known guy on my list, but don't let that fool you, this guy is way cool. His chacter Richard Wright was the only man that Samantha on Sex and the City ever loved (before Smith, of course), he always makes me laugh when he says "Wuss the matta? Ya goin' FAGGOT?" in The Warriors, not to mention, he's the voice of Rayden in Mortal Combat:Annihilation.

4.Samuel L. Jackson                                                                                                                                

(Pulp Fiction, Black Snake Moan, Snakes on a Plane)

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee!!!"

5. Steve Buscemi

(Resevoir Dogs, Ghost World, Fargo)

Steve Buscemi is so creepy, and smarmy, and looks like the kinda guy that makes you grab hold of your pepperspray if you meet him on the street. Bugeyed, crooked teeth (like me!), sullen cheekbones, he's definately got the whole Heroin-Chic-look down, but, on the other hand, he's sorta lovable in a weird, goofy kind of way. He's aiight by me.

Now, Two Actors Who are Actually Great, but Everyone Forgets because of Bad Publicity:

Tom Cruise

Yeah, I know he's this crazy Scientologist who jumps on couches and, like, keeps his wife locked up or something, but we have to look past that and realize that Cruise has brought us plenty of cinematic joys such as Vanilla Sky, Magnolia, and Rain Man. And remember when he looked like this:

Lindsay Lohan:

The ringleader of Those Who are Loved to Be Hated by Teenagers and Gossip Rags. Underage and drunk, rehab, smackin' down paparazzis, and I guess she's gay now(?), Lohan has taken a few punches below the belt from the media. But let me take you back to a time before all that: It's 2004, and Lohan isn't old enough to get into clubs, there was Mean Girls and Freaky Friday. I ADORE Mean Girls, and believe that alongside with Clueless and Heathers, it's manditory Chick-Cinema.

The Secret Life of the American Teenager

While my daughter sits on the floor next to an electrical outlet, playing with her favorite toys, scissors and a plastic bag, I wonder, has anyone seen ABC Family’s new show The Secret Life of the American Teenager?

Now, I started watching this show, because, ain’t gonna lie, I was really touched by it at first. It’s about a fifteen year-old girl, Amy, who finds out she’s pregnant on her first day of high school. She confides in her best friends and does exactly what I did: goes on with life as if nothing is wrong (apparently this is quite normal in pregnant teenagers, many find it easiest to just put it on the back burner and ignore it). She meets a boy, not her unborn babies father, and they fall in love despite the fact that she is pregnant by another guy—also something that hit pretty close to home, as I started dating my current boyfriend three months into my pregnancy. I kept watching the show, simply because Amy’s experiences mirrored my own.

However, as the show went on it took a drastic dive. 

Aside, from it's lame and boring sideplots; a love triangle, a possible divorce, a long lost father showing up, etc... It started to become preachy and reminded me of those cheesy info-movies they make you watch in health class. You know, where everything’s so forced, so THIS IS YOUR TYPICAL AMERICAN HIGH SCHOOL-ish. The dialog was tripe, Amy’s friends said things like: “If you’re thinking about getting an abortion, you have to confide in your parents, they know best. Actually, you should tell them right now anyway. “The show was filled to the brim with cheesy, pro-life facts such as those, and Amy only entertained the idea of abortion for a hot second, but then changes her mind, because her boyfriend then offers to marry her and says they could live with his dad and raise the baby there, something the dad fully supports, as any average American father would of course be so willing to do.

Another thing I detested about the show was the supporting cast. Every single character was a total teenage stereotype. Amy and her boyfriend are two painfully normal and bland characters; white middleclassers, who play in the school band, get good grades and hang out with their friends eating pizza in their spare time. Then you have the upper classmen involved: There’s Ricky (LOVE the fifties-badboy name, by the way) Amy’s baby-daddy. Ricky is a sixteen year-old player, who has his way with most of his female peers, and Adrian. The (as she is so kindly described by her peers) “school slut” (nice.), despite the fact that she is a straight A-student.

These are the, gasp! SEXUALLY ACTIVE characters on the show. But we soon learn the Ricky suffers a severe depression from being in fostercare and is a victim of sexual abuse himself, while Adrian, who is beautiful, smart and fiercely in charge of her own sexuality has some serious daddy-issues having grown up without a father-figure. Oh, yeah. And she's Latina

I think what ABC is trying to tell us is that only teenagers with issues have sex. Right… 

Because the Christian characters on the show are amazing! Grace (again…The illustrative names!) is the hot Christian girl, she’s sexy and all the male characters like her, but she knows how to say no, making her an admirable character on the show. She’s totally stereotypic as well, painfully naïve and an annoying do-gooder, but regardless, she still knows how to avoid sex, thus she is a symbol of strength. 

I gave “The Secret Life of the American Teenager” a chance hoping to find a sorta mainstream “Juno”. Alas, I was severly disappointed, but what can you expect when the shows creator, Brenda Hampton, is the genious behind such quality gems as…”7th Heaven”.

The one thing that cracks me up about it though... Guess who plays Amy's mom:

Yup. Molly Ringwald.

Watch the first episode here:

http://www.surfthechannel.com/info/television/The_Secret_Life_of_the_American_Teenager/87045/S1E1.html?aid=218867

A Series of Top Fives

After I first read "High Fidelity" by Nick Hornby in the seventh grade, I've been obsessed with Top 5-lists. My journals are filled with them, top five favorite stores ( in Syracuse: H&M, dElia's, Wegman's, Soundgarden, Salvation Army), top five favorite non-crappy hiphop artists (Wu Tang Clan, Mos Def, Cypress Hill, Gatas Parliament, A Tribe Called Quest), top five over-all things this week, etc. Here are a series of recent top fives I've compiled:

Top Five Simpsons Characters:

Troy McClure

The info-video guy who was married to Selma for a hot second. He is hilarious, and so not featured on the show often enough.

Ned Flanders

The Simpsons’ Chris-toodilly-dish-tian neighborino. Also amazing. I like him because he’s such a winner.

Ranier Wolfcastle

The action movie star and parody of Arnie the Governator himself. I love Arnold Schwartzeneger and thus I love Ranier by default. 

Patti and Selma

Chain-smoking, lovesick spinsters. J’Adore!

Rod and Todd Flanders:

Rod and Todd jumping on a trampoline:

Rod: Each leap brings us closer to God!

Todd: Catch me Lord! Catch me! 

Top Five Favorite Songs this Week:

Never Miss a Beat- Kaiser Chiefs
Catchy, hip, funky-- whatever middle-aged parents adjective you wish to use in order to describe this song. It’s a good dance song.

Paper Planes- M.I.A
Ridiculous, but oh so catchy. I love me a gal who can sing about visa-fraud and robbing people at gunpoint while using illustrative sampling. (“All I wanna do is *gunshots* and a’ *the ka-ching! of a cash register* and take your money!”)

You Speak My Language- Morphine
Now, I am totally addicted to Morphine (pun!) and I am way sadder (more sad?) about singer Mark Sandman’s death then I am about any other artist’s. Morphine makes me think of dark, smoke-filled bars filled with men wearing sunglasses inside, loose women smoking cigarettes, and lipstick on wineglasses.

S.O.S- Abba 
Shh… So lame, but it’s so good! (And those  two B's sure are sexy, eh?)

Sea of Love- Cat Power
Love it because of Juno, the scene where it played made me bawl. I also sing it for my daughter while putting her to sleep.

Top Five Favorite TV-Shows this Month:

True Blood
Six Feet Under-creator Alan Ball’s newest show on HBO, I’ve only seen a couple of episodes, but so far I like it. Featuring vampires, southern accents, telepaths, Anna Paquin, whodunit murder mysteries, the 14-year old goth in me loves it, but the (almost) 19- year old mom in me is still a little skeptical.

Americas Next Top Model Cycle 11
Cue the boo-s! I’m fully aware of how problematic this show is. But this is good TV, y’all! I adore fashion, crazy hairdos, and interesting make-up. Plus this cycle is extra special, because it features this beautiful Russian, tattooed, activist vixen, ELINA! *siiiiiiigh* (Let it also be known that I hereby predict that Elina will win this cycle! You heard it here first.)

Season 5 of The Office
If you watch it, you’ll agree.

The Simpsons

I recently discovered a website that shows all 19 seasons of this magnificent show for free, so, needless to say, I’ve been marathoning. It’s so funny, and smart and poignant, and contemporary. I don’t know what else to say about it, it’s just amazing.

Dexter Season 3
I’ve only seen the first episode, but from what we’ve experienced from the previous ones, this should be good too. Plus, Micheal C. Hall is such an awesome actor, he deserves so much more recognition, yo.

Top Five Most Attractive this Month:
We’ll just let the pictures speak for themselves…

Elina

Adrian Brody

Forever my dreamboat...

Anne-Lynne McCord

Jessica Alba

And  the most beautiful of all these knockouts:
Niels

Am I not Native enough?

When are people gonna stop correcting me on my self-proclaimed racial status? I am half Norwegian, half American Indian, Leech Lake Ojibwe to be specific. I maybe light-skinned, which has always been somewhat of an annoyance to me, (so thank Goddess for the miracle of tanning booths!) but I’m not white.

Ever since I was a kid friends and high school peers have been telling me I wasn’t Indian. Not just that group of rez-boys when I was little, but white and black people as well! The white kids of suburban Rochester always subtly:

“Oh, you ARE? Wow, you, like, really can’t tell.” 

Inner-city black kids have been a bit more straightforeward:

“Shit, Nina. You ‘bout as white as they come, yo.”

It’s not like I don’t know I’m not nut-brown with long sleek black hair and that I don’t have a pet raccoon as a sidekick, but I’m not blond, blue-eyed, battle-ax toting Viking either. I’ve spent good chunks of my life both on my families reservation as well as the Norwegian countryside. I check the “Other” box when questioned about my ethnicity, I read AIM autobiographies, embrace and question my white privilege, have danced in powwows, etc. I am bi-racial, thank you. I just tend to find the native half of my culture a tad more interesting.

My fellow halfbreed in crime, my best friend Reina and I got tattoos. Reina got an Incan man in celebration of her Colombian side of the family, and I got a Thunder Bird, which would be my Indian name, not the car.  So after a session of searing pain...

We ended up with awesome new wounds that look a little something like this:

A few weeks later, my boyfriend, family and I were at this little touristy “AUTHENTIC NATIVE AMERICAN TOTEM POLE” shop at Niagara Falls. The owner of this place was a man who both looked and sounded very asian, as he came up to me and said very mysteriously:

“Ah, what a beautiful new tattoo. What does it symbolize?”

Me: “Oh, thank you. Well, it’s a Thunder Bird that my friend designed. My tr---“

Him: “No.”

Me: “...”

Him: “The Native American thunder bird can be recognized by the feathers on top of its head, like an owl, such as the one you can see over there on that wooden sculpture I have made. So, your friend has made a huge mistake. That tattoo is a RAVEN!”

Me (pretty surprised and a little insulted considering I have just branded this “Raven” forever onto my skin): “Uh, no. It’s an Ojibwe THUNDER BIRD! Based on these old cave designs and Ojibwe beadwork!”

Then I am given a lecture about how he knows better, his grandmother was an Indian from British Columbia, and even though my tattoo is a very nice raven, it’s still not a thunderbird because it lacks feathers on it’s head. 

Needless to say, we left without purchasing anything.

Later, when retelling this story to my father, he pointed out the fact that the guy was a little sad. He probably did have an Indian grandma from British Columbia who he heard all about as a kid and then spent a lot of his adult life trying to learn about native culture. 

So, I suppose I can’t be too hard on the guy, because in the end we’re all just trying to be Indian enough, aren’t we?